I just wonder how your doing. This is the longest we’ve gone without communication in awhile. Which I like, because I really don’t have any crazy desire to speak to you. I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with this new life I’m going with, but I’m trying it for now. It almost feels like the old me is back, before you entered my life. But when it comes down to it, your who I’m going to judge against whomever I’m trying to make it work with, and I hate that. Things like “Well this guys is like this, and he was like that” Lately I’ve had a lot of regrets with you, nothing crazy. Just somethings that I wish had gotten done, things I wish we talked about more, things that i wish had never been said between us. I guess I just hope the best for you, and life working out for you, coz it is for me.
She’s the girl that has a few best friends & doesn’t need anymore, the girl that laughs the hardest at her own jokes. She’s the girl that will hang up on you, but then call you right back & say sorry. She’s the girl who will never leave your side when you need her, the girl who will go out of her way to cheer you up. She’s the girl who never sleeps without her teddy bear by her side, she’s the girl who says she isn’t ticklish, but really is. She’s the girl who will not give up on you if she really believes in you. She’s the girl who believes in loving somebody forever.
I love that are some people in my life that I honestly get so happy when they contact me. Even if it’s just a stupid IM, message, text message, phone call, etc. I don’t have feelings for this kinda of person in any way. But it’s just nice to know their thinking of you, and miss you as much as you miss them.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
When I first thought about this questions, obviously the first person who came to mind was Ryan. I suppose he made my life hell, and treated me like shit. But it was just for a time being. A lot of what he did was due to his addictions. I guess to some people that isn’t an excuse whats so ever, but as a daughter, a sister, a best friend, and ex girlfriend to an addict I know it kind of is? Okay, but the answer to this question of the day is me. I believe I made my own life hell, and treated myself like a shit. I put myself in situations where I knew I would get hurt. I treated myself like shit, emotionally and physically. So all in all, it doesn’t have to be someone else who makes your life hell, it can be yourself.
Gotta find your inner strength If you can’t then just throw life away Gotta learn to rely on you
Beauty, strength, and wisdom, too You’re beautiful inside and out Lead a great life without a doubt Don’t need a man to make things fair 'Cuz more than likely he won't be there Listen girl, gotta know it’s true In the end all you’ve got is you
“I no longer believe in the idea of sole mates, or love at first site. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings hinge together.”—(via stephyyface)
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
When i first read this days challenge, i honestly could not think of who I would write about. Until I got a text, from my dad. He texted me to see if I wanted to come home this weekend, and if I did he would drive me back so I wouldn’t have to pay for a bus back. And thats when it hit me, he honestly has made my life worth living. My dad is the most honest, caring, hilarious, serious, amazing person I have ever met in my life. He is the definition of a great dad. He would do anything for me, even if it meant working 40 hours in one weekend, then driving his daughter back into Boston at 9pm. He just is how I wanna be one day. He just gets people. And everyone who I meet on my own, who know my dad prior to knowing me, tell me all the same things. He just gives me hope that there are great people out in the world, and that I may be one of them one day.
I hope I never have to break someones heart. Getting over ryan was the hardest, most painful, horrible experience in my life. It felt like my entire life was over, and I just couldn’t feel anything anymore. I was a vegetable, with no more feelings or hopes and dreams. Nothing made my smile, and if I did smile, i was faking it. I was in my own world, and I felt that no one could save me. I never, ever want to make someone feel the way he made me feel. I just can’t imagine putting someone in that much pain.
Day 5: I hope to one day fall in beautiful, whisk you off your feat, catch your breath, butterflies every day kind of love. I hope to fall madly in love with someone who is madly in love with me. I wanna know that feeling of unimaginable love, where you know you won’t be alone for life. You’ll always have someone to watch cheesy movies with, watch wedding sundays, dinner with, a plus one to weddings, and someone to carry you up to the stairs when you’ve had one too many drinks. Now all of this can easily be a friend, but in the end your friends going to leave you, to have love just like this.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
I have to forgive my sister for taking my family away from me. Since I was at least 17 my entire immediate family, except for me, has been obsessed with my sister. Her mistakes, her needs, her helps, her good times, her baby, her school, her anything. Anything she she does is more important than me, i feel. Even if I do anything that means something to me, or anyone of my friends, my sister means more. But I gotta stop complaining, be a big girl, and be happy for her. I forgive her for taking away my years, and I need her to thank her for making me a stronger person.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I have to forgive myself for tying to save him. I loved him, and still want the best for him. But I know now that I can’t do that. Every time he would get clean for a bit I would really think maybe I did something rite this time, that I actually changed him for the better. But every time he went back to drinking I felt like I failed. Like I didn’t live up to being his girl, because I couldn’t help him. After countless fights, breaking up, getting back together, getting in horrible situations I NEVER thought I would be in, I just really had to stop it all. I needed step away, and not try and save him. Because he needs to save himself.
I love that I love, if that makes any sense. I have no shame in admitting in something or someone that I love it. If I feel so strongly about something, that I whole heartedly love it, I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks. I actually want the world to know how much I love whatever it may be. I believe Love is the most beautiful, ugly, strong, week, crazy, calm thing in the world. And I think thats why i love that I love?